Wednesday, February 22, 2012

Get the Remote: The Five Worst Shows on Television

A good TV show can entrance an audience. Week after week, year after year, dedicated viewers will gather around their TVs to watch their favorite characters. I love a good TV show just as much as the next person, but it seems as though good TV may be a thing of the past. Shows like Seinfeld and The King of Queens are dead and gone, and almost the entire TV spectrum has turned to garbage. There are some diamonds in the rough (How I Met Your Mother, Modern Family etc..), but these days, it’s a challenge to find a show that doesn’t induce vomiting. With that in mind, I have compiled a list of the worst of the worst. These shows are the worst on television. If you don’t agree, just watch one episode, and I promise you’ll agree, unless you are a girl between the ages of 15-25, in which case, this list is not for you.

5. Glee- Fox: I believe I have watched three full episodes of this show, and believe me, that was more than enough. Glee is sort of like that kid on your high school sports team, who was incredibly bad, but tried incredibly hard, even in a walk through. Not only is it a musical television show, (big loss in points there) but they also try to cram every single demographic of people into one high school. Fans would rebut this, but Glee is also trying really hard to disguise the fact that it is a soap-opera. For any 90’s kids out there, I hope you’ve all realized that Glee is nothing more than Degrassi(which is also terrible) with singing actors.

4. Teen Mom-MTV: There’s a good chance you’ll see MTV on this list again, mostly because they air things like this. As you can probably guess, Teen Mom is a show about teenage girls who are pregnant. But there’s so much more to the show than that! You also get to see them fight with their moms, dads, and the guy who got them pregnant. It was my assumption at one point that a family of girl who became pregnant before she could vote or drive a car, would want to keep it hidden. Nope. They want it nationally televised. To each his own I guess.

3.Jim Rome is Burning-ESPN: I cannot believe this guy still has his own show. For starters, he pauses between almost every single word, as if what he just said is going to change the entire fabric of society. This assures me of my suspicion that he is the single most cocky person on earth. He acts as if his opinion on sports is the only one that could possibly matter, which is probably the reason he spends pretty much his entire show talking about what he’s “Burning On.” Whatever that means.

2. Toddlers and Tiaras-TLC: This is one of those shows that you watch and then wonder, “How does anyone see any part of this as acceptable?” The basis of the show is parents (mainly moms) take their young children to pageants. Doesn’t sound horrible? Wrong. Here’s the kicker: Most of these kids are between 3-6. They are literally toddlers competing in beauty pageants. The moms who enter their kids in these competitions can be equated to dads who are way too involved in their sons little league baseball career. Similarities include; Being overweight, old, washed up, and most likely on steroids.

1. Jersey Shore-MTV: This is without a doubt the worst and most disgusting show on television. It is based around a group of people who claim to be Italian go to a trashy beach every summer, drink till they blackout, and have sex with pretty much anything that moves. Throw in some fights, graphic tees, wife beaters, cargo shorts, and a dangerous amount of spray tan, and you’ve got the whole show. The people on the show have got to be some of the most miserable people on earth. The guys are the epitome of worthless, and the girls might as well be prostitutes, based on the way they dress and act. The fact that this show is still on TV, and has a huge following, is one the biggest travesties in recent history.

So there it is. The five worst shows on television. I’m sure there are plenty of people who really do enjoy these shows, in which case, I weep for you.

Thursday, January 12, 2012

10 Twitter Accounts to add to your Follow List.

Twitter, quite frankly, has taken over the world. Daily, millions of twitter users are logging on the social networking site to get updates on their friends, sports, local or global news or what have you. All these things are bunched into 140 characters, so as not to strain the mind of the users. I was very reluctant to sign up for Twitter, but, like most, was hooked quickly. It is an incredibly convenient way to get news, on pretty much anything. One of the biggest reasons I use Twitter, is for the jokes. Amongst all the nonsensical political talk, sports debates, and females from the ages of 12-17 shaving their every emotion into 140 characters, there is some pretty funny stuff out there. Here is a list, in no particular order, of what I think to be ten of the funniest accounts on Twitter.

1. The Fake ESPN: @TheFakeESPN. I put these guys first on the list, because they are easily the funniest out of the ten. They absolutely rip on athletes in a hilarious way. They frequently attempt to mentally attack one of my least favorite people in the sports world, LeBron James. (“How can you say that LeBron has changed”….right) Example Tweet: “After treating LeBron for choking, doctors trying to narrow down whether his allergy is to 4th quarters, free throws, or winning in general.” There is plenty more where that came from, so follow these people now.

2. Best Worst Advice: @BestWorstAdvice. Another team account, Best Worst Advice has a certain format to their tweets. They will pose a question about every day human problems like “Want to teach your child the value of a dollar?” and then they’ll answer with something like this “Get him a job at a sweatshop.” If you don’t mind slightly dirty jokes, then give these folks a follow.

3. The Dark Lord: @Lord_Voldemort7. Yes, this actually exists. Somebody made a twitter account for the evil person with seven books and eight films worth of murder attempts on Harry Potter, and it’s actually pretty funny. The user constantly tweets about how Potter Author J.K. Rowling didn’t feel like writing him a nose. He also addresses trending topics regularly. “#2011Lies: Till death do us part-Kim Kardashian.” If you’re not a Potter fan, you probably won’t find this account very funny, and if you are, you’re probably already following him, so I’ll skip the suggestion on this one.

4. Shooter McGavin: @ShooterMcGavin_ Shooter McGavin is another account based off of a movie villain. McGavin is the main antagonist in Adam Sandler’s gold comedy “Happy Gilmore.” McGavin’s signature move is flashing a finger pistol, or two, which is emphasized on the Twitter account. “Hey @MattBarkley, when you make your decision today, *jog to podium* *USC jersey launch* “NFL BABY!” *Single pistol Lane* *pop collar* *walk out*

5. Puns: @omgthatspunny: This one is pretty self-explanatory, they tweet puns. Here are a few samples; “Those who live beyond their means should act their wage” “Things made in Australia are high koala-ty” #punny

6. Shit Girls Say: @shitgirlssay: Again, self-explanatory. Some of my favorites: “Am I Hungry?” “First of all, ew” “why would you even say something like that?”

7. Conan O’Brien: @ConanOBrien. Late night host Conan O’Brien doesn’t tweet all that often, but he is pretty funny when he does. He humorously makes light of things going on in the world, and he is good at it. “The University of Oregon Ducks won the Rose Bowl? I haven’t said “Congratulations Ducks!” Since I watched mallards have an orgy in my pool.”

8. Jim Gaffigan: @JimGaffigan: Another comedian, Gaffigan is simply hilarious. If you’ve never seen his stand up special, go watch it. Also, you should follow him on Twitter, to see things like this; “I love how Tom Coughlin looks furious even when the Giants win. Makes me miss my Dad.”

9. Daniel Tosh: @DanielTosh: The host of Tosh.0 is just as funny on Twitter as he is on his show. He frequently gets hate tweets, and responds to them with hilarious and biting sarcasm. He also makes fun of athletes, pulling no punches. “Take Romo’s ability to throw on the run w/Sanchez’s competiveness, & Tebow’s soul- you get a QB that could back up Aaron Rodgers.

10. Breakiing News: @BreakiingNews: Much like @TheFakeESPN, @BreakiingNews is a parody of its more serious counterpart, @BreakingNews. The account comments on current events with a humorous twist, and sometimes completely fabricates its own stories. “Breaking: Avatar 2 has been pushed back to 2016” “Breaking: Taylor Lautner is gay. In related news, Taylor Swift has just been given 3 albums worth of writing material.”